Cultivating Emotional Intelligence by Asking Questions

A Q&A with Brian Bolwell, MD, Chair of Physician Leadership and Development and former Chair of Taussig Cancer Institute

Q: What is emotional intelligence (EQ) and why is it important to you as leader of a major academic cancer center?

Emotional intelligence is the ability to see things from other peoples’ perspectives; to walk in another person’s shoes; to read nonverbal cues; and in general to appreciate situations from perspectives beyond one’s own. I believe that EQ goes hand-in-hand with empathy.

Our cancer center aspires to have a culture of compassion and empathy as well as clinical excellence, and EQ is necessary for all of these goals. My mission as a leader is to create that culture, to make sure that everyone who touches our patients does so with compassion and empathy.

Q: How do you cultivate EQ?

I think there are many ways to build EQ. Here’s one example. When I was in residency, I had a coresident who later became a psychiatrist. She was magnetic, and everyone liked her. As I got to know her better, I discovered her simple secret — she asked questions. This skill, taught and learned, helped her break down social barriers. People opened up to her, and she created meaningful connections. I realized that asking questions was a powerful but simple way to engage others.

A recent article in Harvard Business Review highlights the power of questions in developing EQ. “The Surprising Power of Questions” by Alison Brooks and Leslie John claims that most of us don’t ask enough questions and don’t ask them in the best way, but “the good news is that by asking questions, we naturally improve our emotional intelligence, which in turn makes us better questioners — a virtuous cycle.”

Growing EQ takes significant effort, and asking questions is a great way to learn the perspective of others and grow that skill.

Q: How do we know which questions to ask?

Well, according to the authors, we ask four types of questions, and some of them are better than others for developing EQ.

1. Introductory questions (“How are you?”)
2. Mirror questions (“I’m fine, how are you?”)
3. Full switch questions (those that change the topic of conversation entirely)
4. Follow-up questions (ones that solicit more information)

All of these are useful, but the power lies in follow-up questions. Studies show that these types of questions signal to others that you are listening actively and want to know more. People feel respected and heard. In general, studies show that asking questions is correlated with liking people, improved learning and interpersonal bonding.

Q: How do you incorporate this skill into your leadership style?

Many leadership books talk about the importance of building relationships in the workplace. In fact, many of these authors claim that the workplace is entirely about relationship building. Asking questions, especially follow-up questions that show you were listening, is a fundamental way to build relationships, to show interest in another person and draw them in.

I try to create a culture of openness to diverse opinions by answering questions with “I don’t know” a lot. This generally relaxes the room and invites more questions. I also like to ask questions of people during meetings and make sure they feel comfortable responding. Asking questions and earnestly listening communicates a culture of honesty, of welcoming many perspectives, of openness and transparency. It shows that I want to know what’s going on and what we can do to improve. Questions are an essential part of this learning process.

Q: What advice would you offer to physicians and leaders looking to incorporate this skill into their practices?

We must take time to listen to our patients. The best doctors know how to ask good questions and listen to the answers to inform a course of treatment. We have to let patients talk, give them the time and attention they deserve to share their stories.

Asking questions is also how you learn new things and grow. You may hear surprising answers or hear a story that impacts your career or your life.

In terms of advice for fellow physicians and leaders, this suggestion is pretty straightforward to implement. We can all ask more questions as a way to grow our EQ and become better doctors, leaders and people.

Dr. Bolwell is Chairman of Taussig Cancer Institute. On Twitter: @BrianBolwellMD